Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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