I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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