i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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