Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
