Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
