i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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