Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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