I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
