Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
