i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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