Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
