My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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