The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
