I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
