he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
