Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
