and my herpes radar will keep us safe
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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