How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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