i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
