Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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