can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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