he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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