We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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