But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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