a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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