I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
