I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
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Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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