You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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