I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
