I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
