he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
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can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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