i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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