I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I came so hard my ears popped.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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