Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
