I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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