Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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