I accidentally burped into my bong.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
