I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
