I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
