He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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