I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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