Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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