I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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