A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
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