Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
