I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
In other news, I just burned my penis
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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