no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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