remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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