I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Drunk is a universal language darling
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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