Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
