Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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