Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What did we do last night that was yellow?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
