I wannas sexs uuuuu
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
What a dumb baby whore.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
