Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
