I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
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Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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