I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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