did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
