you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
