she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
