but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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