My nipple is on Facebook.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
