after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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