He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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