if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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