Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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