I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
