I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
