he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
