just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
