I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
