We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
