So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
