how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
