My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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