I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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