nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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